Aaron’s Deconstruction Journey…
A big part of my deconstruction journey for me was sparked by tragedy. 14 years ago, one of my friends, a fellow youth pastor, tragically took his own life. I was an absolute wreck, grief-stricken and convicted over not being a better friend. His funeral was the first funeral I ever led and it was awful. For the next year, I would often wake up from a nightmare of seeing his kids' faces in the front row at his funeral.
I was angry at how my previous church and his church viewed his death through a lens of judgment. I was shocked and routinely thought, “Surely this can’t be the type of church Christ has in mind?”
In the middle of that, I was at the tail end of a terrible year personally and pastorally. The previous year, I had accepted a position as the Student Ministries Pastor at the 3rd fastest growing church in the U.S. I thought it was going to be exciting and impactful. It was a train wreck. I would resign 2 months later and be forced to sign a non-disparagement agreement in order to secure severance and insurance to take care of my family, as my wife was pregnant with our youngest son.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a pastor, part of a church, or even a Christian after these experiences.
It began the darkest season of my life, a 10 year journey of forgiveness, healing, searching for Christ, His true nature, How He viewed me, and what He wants for humanity and for His church.
I came to the edge of my faith…and that’s how I found Christ.
Over the coming years, I lived in a strange paradox of feeling God lead us to start a church in the Washington D.C. metro area (Silver Spring, MD - www.wearerestore.com) while also questioning and doubting Him most days. I struggled with depression and there were days I didn’t even get out of bed…all while being the Lead Pastor of a church.
Over that decade, I was desperate for relief and peace.
I wanted to experience God.
If something crossed my path and I thought, “I might find God there”, I tried it.
If I had to give advice to someone who’s on the edge of their faith, I would encourage them that the edge is where real faith begins. It’s a critical part of the healing and rediscovery journey and I hope you’ll step off the edge and into the unknown of doubt and questions. It’s in the lowest of places where Christ meets us.
I’ve discovered a lot along the way and have shared parts of this story in other places. If you want to know more…
I discussed my deconstruction journey here and some of the things that helped me along the way.
A common theme of deconstruction: As you get closer to the heart of Christ, it will be the legalistic people in your life that marginalize you (and the two most popular legalistic tribes in our culture right now are Conservatives and Progressives). If your conservative friends think you’re a “liberal” and your progressives friends think your “conservative” you’re probably in a good place with faith. Fundamentalism is an infection in the Church and here’s a piece I wrote on that: https://www.seedsandwaterco.org/blog/lyrics-i-love
Last January, I wrote a 6 part series on Epiphanies I had on this journey: Here’s the first entry but I suggest reading all 6.
I was invited by my friend Paul to preach at his church and I talked about the cultural deconstruction that’s happening in the Church right now and why this is GREAT NEWS!