Doom And Doubt Lead to Faith
My wife and I started a church in Maryland in 2012. During those years, my faith reached a low point. Pastors are supposed to have unwavering faith, right? Not me. I was filled with anger and doubt toward God. Many Sundays, I would find a private place before our gathering and cry or yell at God in anger. For almost a decade, I was on this roller coaster ride of faith, not really understanding what God was doing. I was in the wilderness, the dark night of the soul.
A few years ago, I saw this painting for the first time. During a season of intense darkness and doubt, it gave me comfort. And now, on the other side of questioning the existence and goodness of God, I see that Doom and Doubt are what lead to Faith. This is the story of Easter weekend.
Easter weekend is the ultimate event in Christian history. Without the entire journey of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, the world doesn’t exist as we know it. It’s helpful to our faith to see the full three day journey, the massive swing in circumstances and emotions. We get glimpses of this in the Easter story, but one small section always strikes me. After the Resurrection, with Jesus standing before them, the trauma of Friday and the doubt of Saturday were still lingering.
Matthew 28: 17, “When they saw him, they worshipped him; but some doubted.”
It’s important to note, these aren’t two separate categories here, the worshippers and the doubters. The Greek grammar shows us that they are all worshipping Him…and within that category, there’s a sub-category of people who are doubting. Yes, you can be filled with doubt and still be a worshipper of Christ. Despite what you may have been told, it’s part of the journey of faith.
Easter Weekend is the place we first discover this truth.
Good Friday was filled with doom. There’s Jesus sweating drops of blood in the garden as He anxiously awaits, knowing His arrest, torture, and death are imminent. I can’t imagine the nature of His agony, of knowing your own torturous murder was coming. And there’s the heartbreak and fear in his disciples as they see Him arrested, tortured, and killed. Friday is filled with suffering.
Holy Saturday, the day of doubt. The day of “what now?”. How do we go on? What just happened? It’s the day of questions. We’ve had days where we can’t understand what is happening or why.
Resurrection Sunday. The day of surprise. The day of light. Of life overcoming death. Hope is restored.
These 3 days are the gospel. There is good news in the Friday, of dying to ourselves. Of leaning into suffering. There is good news in the Saturday, of doubting and questioning. Doubt is part of faith and can be truly empowering. And there is good news on Sunday. It’s the day that makes us believe in miracles.
A problem we might face is that we only embrace one or two of these days in our faith and not all three…like the metaphor of a 3 legged stool. If you take one of the legs out, whether it’s the suffering of Friday, the doubt of Saturday, or the miraculous hope of Sunday…we fall over.
Which part might be missing for you?
Good Friday - Are you resisting the suffering? Is there something in your life that needs to die but you resist? Is there a part of you that needs restored, a scar, a wound, but you are keeping it from God?
Holy Saturday - Are you asking the hard questions? Do you ignore your doubt because you’re afraid of the unknown or where God might lead you? Do you feel guilty for questioning God or being angry with Him? If Jesus can forgive his murderers from the cross, His love is more than capable of receiving your doubt. Remember, without Saturday, there is no Sunday.
Resurrection Sunday - Do you resist the miraculous? Do you struggle with awe and wonder? Are you cynical and angry? Are you constantly rushed and stressed? If these are areas of struggle, don’t grit and bear it. Go back to Good Friday and Holy Saturday. That’s where the journey must begin for you. If you want hope, joy, peace, awe, and wonder, you have to die and doubt first.