4 Realizations I Learned at the Edge of my Faith (Parts 1 and 2)
“Sooner or later, some event, person, death, idea, or relationship will enter your life that you simply cannot deal with, using your present skill set, your acquired knowledge, or your strong willpower. Spiritually speaking, you will be, you must be, led to the edge of your own private resources.” - Richard Rohr
You will lose at something.
12 years ago, I lost my friend Matt Edahl. The loss was staggering to me. In the years that followed, his tragic death sparked a journey to the edge of my faith in so many ways. Up until that point, I had habits, assumptions, and a framework of life that I thought could contain my life experiences and relationships. I was wrong. His death collapsed my container.
4 Realizations I Learned at the Edge of my Faith.
#1 - It is in the lowest of places that Christ meets us. Death is pure evil. It's the most awful event I've ever experienced. There isn't a single second of it that should be romanticized or welcomed. We would do well to truly mourn, grieve, and anguish when we lose someone.
Grief can come for a variety of reasons: Grief related to the deep love we had for that person.
Grief from the guilt of a relationship that never realized its potential.
Grief may spring from pain the deceased caused to us.
Death is a mess and we would do well to recognize this. “We are blessed when we are at the end of our rope.” (Matthew 5:3 MSG). From death, comes resurrection and restoration. Death breaks our heart so completely, so cruelly, that only a miracle worker like Christ can restore us. Death leads us to such a desperate despair, that for the first time in our lives, we might release complete control to Christ. For the first time in our lives, we might be willing to try anything: prayer, counseling, therapy, medication, fasting, and more. From there, it’s a long, painful, yet beautiful journey…the road to restoration. From the tragedy of death, comes life.
#2 Friendship and forgiveness are gifts to be cherished.
I was asked to lead Matt’s memorial service. In the months and years that followed, I dealt with recurring nightmares; images from my vantage point on stage at his funeral. When I would wake from these awful dreams, I felt a pressing conviction: I was not a good friend.
In the time preceding Matt's death, I didn't make an effort to connect with him and keep our friendship as a priority in my life. Our family had moved out of state and our lives were no longer geographically connected.
I've heard people in instances of suicide or death, tell someone struggling with guilt, "It's not your fault." I understand why people say this, but maybe this isn’t the best way to comfort someone? I finally started to find peace when I forgave myself for Matt's death. I was a bad friend and I had to acknowledge my part in his death. If I was a good friend, I would have pursued Matt's heart. I would have made sure to meet him in the dark places of depression he was struggling with. I don't know if this would have saved Matt, but it may have helped.
Since then, even though I'm a fiercely independent person by nature, I've come to realize the gift of friendship and the honor of being a friend. My wife has taught me the incredible joy of gift giving and generosity. I've found that pursuing my friends, maintaining connection, giving gifts, serving them when I can, apologizing when I've hurt them, brings me great joy.
How have you been blessed by friendship? How can you be even more intentional with your friends?
Next week is Realization #3: The moment when my faith started to die.